


Talk To Me

by CrazyCase5150



Series: ADSOM Canon Ended Sadly, Here's Gays [3]
Category: Shades of Magic - V. E. Schwab
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Past Rape/Non-con, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:14:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29362341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyCase5150/pseuds/CrazyCase5150
Summary: Holland was overseas, but now he's back, and Kell still can't get him to be honest with him.That changes when they run into each other at a party that Rhy corralled them both into, unbeknownst to the other.(smut in the last chapter)
Relationships: Alucard Emery/Rhy Maresh, Kell Maresh/Holland Vosijk
Series: ADSOM Canon Ended Sadly, Here's Gays [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001994
Kudos: 5





	1. Wandering

**Author's Note:**

> Literal absolute trash writing except for the end, but still a whole complete story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dumbass tries to drown his sorrows

**_Kell_ **

Kell was trying to drown his annoyances in alcohol, and was failing miserably.

Kell didn't drink much, but, well... 

Rhy, nineteen, was starting his first year of college next week, and had bribed Kell, his older brother by one year, to show him around. Rhy had convinced Kell that if he showed him around, Rhy had promised to not make him go on any outings for a month. Kell disliked people as a general collective, but Rhy did not. Rhy loved people, loved the attention he got for all his good looks and princely charm, and Kell knew he'd be an attention magnet as soon as he stepped foot on campus.

Perhaps it wasn't the best reason to get drunk, but Kell also had his birthday coming up, and Rhy was sure to make a much bigger deal of it than necessary. Rhy was always one for glamour and attraction, and Kell one for brooding in a corner.

Kell groaned and slumped over on the bar, still only tipsy. He didn't get drunk easily, and he had half a mind to ask for another drink.

The bartender, Barron, was a broad man. He looked like a brick wall, and was just as sturdy. He had given up on trying to make Kell talk about his problems, so he stood quietly behind the counter and was cleaning a cup with a rag. They didn't talk much anyway, and Barron knew when to let it go. He was, after all, someone who ran an establishment full of people trying to forget things.

He was also the foster father of Kell's ex-girlfriend, Lila. Despite this, Kell and Barron were on good terms.

Actually, Kell and Lila had parted on good terms, which was probably a good thing. Lila had always had a thing for knives, and Kell was pretty sure she'd have killed him if they had parted on _bad_ terms.

Kell slid a bill towards Barron on the counter before getting up and heading for the door. He stumbled a bit, but grabbed his black coat and slipped out the door to make his way up the road.

Kell had a thing for coats. He had dozens of them, all of them random and different. His family had a theme for red, so he had a red trench coat with fake golden buttons adorning it. Today though, his coat was long and black with silver buttons. It was his general _I'm going outside by myself_ coat. He had countless others, and Rhy always said that there were too many.

Kell wandered the cold streets, not really in a rush to get home. Rhy would have at least one stranger in his bedroom, and Kell had no interest in walking in on them. His adoptive parents, Maxim and Emira, would be working, shut off in their wing of the oversized red house that they all lived in.

Maxim, Rhy, and Emira were all dark-skinned, with wavy black hair, and they all fit with each other. Kell stuck out like a sore thumb with his copper hair and pale skin. Oh, and nobody could forget his all-black right eye. It was dark as ink and more smooth than a river stone. There was no iris, no pupil, just complete and solid darkness all over.

Kell hated it.

It was an unexplained medical condition, and people treated him like he was cursed. Even Maxim and Emira, though they tried to pretend they didn't. Only Rhy ever made dead-on eye contact with Kell and treated him as he would anyone else.

Maxim and Emira might not have been Kell's parents, but Rhy was his brother. As annoying and loud as he was, Rhy was Kell's family, more so than anyone else.

Lost in his thoughts, Kell turned corners and went through alleys, slipping through the winding streets of his city.

Rather conveniently, he realized he was close to his college, and figured he might stop by out of boredom, at least to sit down for a moment. He cut through another alley and slipped through a tiny nature reserve, and found himself in front of the large assortment of college buildings. The lights were on, showing the collection of night classes, and Kell sighed, sinking down onto a bench.

He _really_ didn't want to go home. Rhy would complain about it for days, of course, but while Rhy was like a summer party, loud and bright and fun, Kell was a shadow, cold and silent and easy to lose track of. He tended to stay out in the dark, wandering the city despite his brother's attempts to keep him home. Kell spent much of his time alone and outside, trying to avoid people as much as possible. He liked the outdoors, but stuck to the parts of the city where there weren't many people.

He let out a breath, watching the steam of his breath dissipate in the cold night air.

As the steam cleared, however, he saw what looked at first to be a ghost.

 _Don't be daft,_ he told himself. He squinted, and made out the figure of a man in black jeans and a long white trench coat buttoned up to the neck. The man was leaning against a large tree across the street, but it was almost as if he knew he was being looked at. He glanced at Kell, and immediately went around to the other side of the tree, vanishing from sight. 

It looked like Holland.

But Holland was overseas.

Kell blinked, but dismissed it as someone else who just didn't like being the subject of anyone's attention.

It started to rain.

Kell tilted his head back and let the water patter on his face a little before getting up and heading home.

 _ **Fin**_.


	2. Confrontations

**_Kell_ **

Kell woke up, and immediately his mood soured.

College started for Rhy today, and Kell wanted to just spend his time at home and be left alone. He had no classes today, so why not stay at the house?

He had promised to show Rhy around before classes started, but he knew that as soon as Rhy flirted with someone next to Kell, rumors of the handsome new guy would spread. Kell wasn't exactly someone who blended in easily, what with the copper hair and black eye. People would find Kell easily and ask him about Rhy, and that was too much attention for Kell's comfort in the first place. He already tolerated the whispers about the tall strange ginger guy with the black eye who sat in the back during lectures, but now people would actually come up to him to get information about Rhy.

He groaned and pulled the blanket over his head, knowing Rhy would kick down the door in a few minutes.

Sure enough, Rhy barged in, smiling and shining like the sun. He wore jeans torn at the knees and a red t-shirt with a red and gold sweater tied around his waist. "Kell!" He tore the blanket off of Kell, who covered his face with a pale arm. Rhy let his arms fall and faked a concerned face. "Why so glum?"

Kell grumbled something.

"What?"

Kell pulled his arm off his face and glared. "I _said_ , could you get _any_ more annoying?" He looked Rhy up and down. "And you look like a Gryffindor."

Rhy smiled. "Of course I can, and of course I do! Let me help you pick an outfit."

Kell sighed.

********

For Kell, Rhy had picked simple dark jeans, a black t-shirt, and upon Kell's insistence at a coat, a too-small green zip-up hoodie.

Kell glared at the mirror. He looked ridiculous. The pants were fine, and he could deal with the too-tight t-shirt, but the green contrasted terribly with his ginger hair, and, to put it simply, he looked like a dick.

He glanced plaintively at Rhy. "Can I change coats?"

Rhy made a face. "No."

"But-"

"Fine, but hurry! We have to go, classes start in two hours."

Kell made a halfhearted attempt. "But it's a fifteen-minute walk from here."

Rhy smiled. "Nice try. But you seem to have forgotten that _you still have to show me around,_ " he said in a singsong tone. Kell glowered, but got up and traded Rhy's atrocious green hoodie for an oversized slip-on grey one. Now he could pull the hood up so his hair would hide his eye without his looking like an idiot. They slipped out the door, Rhy marching along happily and Kell trying his best to hide in his hood.

By the time they made it to the college, Rhy telling dreadful jokes the whole way there, Kell was in an even worse mood than when he woke up. 

They crossed over to the nearest building, and Rhy immediately tried to steer them both to the nearest cluster of people, mostly made up of girls. Kell, knowing better than to try and dissuade Rhy, did his very best to hide himself by tilting his head down and shoving his hands deep in his pockets. There were about ten people, three of which were guys, and Rhy visibly set his sights on who appeared to be a dark skinned college freshman doing his best to hide behind his other two guy friends from general attention. From what it looked like, the two larger dudes had come over to hit on the girls, and dragged the quiet boy along with them. In their flirting, at least, they were mostly succeeding. The freshman boy saw Rhy smiling at him as he approached and looked around, as if he was unsure where Rhy was actually looking. When he realized it was him Rhy was smiling at, he flushed.

"Well hello!" Rhy spread his arms, doing his very best _look at me, the prince has arrived_ pose. Almost instantly everyone looked at Rhy, except the freshman-looking guy, who looked away. 

"What do you want?" The nearest guy leered down at Rhy. "We've already got these girls, so get lost newbie." The girls had differing reactions to this, some looked flattered and some looked disgusted. The third guy made a face, like _dude, women are people._

Rhy grinned. "Who said I was here for just the girls?" Jaws dropped. Kell rolled his eyes.

The second guy frowned. "First of all, gross. We don't want your queer ass here." Kell noticed the smaller guy in the back shrink slightly, and he made a frown. He noticed a similar reaction from the second guy, as if the words were a slap in the face.

Rhy's smile grew wider. "Oh, but I don't care! I'm here for-"

He was cut off by the second guy's fist in his face. "I _said_ , nobody wants you over here spreading your gay disease!" The third guy stepped in between them before Kell could whoop his ass. 

"Kyle! Dude, chill."

"Fuck off Tristan! Somebody needs to beat him straight!"

"No, dude, I'm done with your damn homophobia! I'm bi, Dylan is gay, and both of us are quietly suffering whenever you go off on strangers like this! We're done with you being an ass, so leave the annoying new guy alone!"

Rhy, despite having been punched in the face merely seconds before, smiled. 

Kyle glared and looked like he'd punch his friend before Kell stepped in.

"You touch my brother again, you'll seriously regret it." He glowered, hair still covering his black eye.

Now, Kell was a tall person. He was six feet tall, on the dot. He did his best despite his height to hide from attention, but if he was going to get noticed for anything, it should be for protecting his idiotic brother from testosterone-driven numskulls.

"He's not your brother, you two look nothing alike! And anyway, what are _you_ gonna do, you skinny ginger? You gonna hurt me?" He said the last sentence in a childish voice, a taunting tone that Kell did not appreciate. "Come on, bitch!" Kyle pushed against Kell's chest.

Rhy's grin grew.

Kell gave his own smile, a cold thing that unnerved the shit out of Kyle.

With his hands still in his pockets, Kell kicked Kyle hard in the nuts. 

Kyle doubled over, hands on his crotch and eyes bulging, and fell sideways. Kell stared down at him so only he could see Kell's face, and he shifted his head slightly so his hair revealed his black eye. Kyle's own eyes widened, but he quickly composed himself. "You think your creepy eye contacts are enough to scare me off?" He stumbled to his feet and took a swing at Kell, who gracefully dodged to the side. Kyle took another swing, and Kell finally pulled both hands out of the hoodie pocket to pin one of Kyle's arms to his back and then pin Kyle himself to the nearest tree.

"Get out of here," grumbled Kell. "While I'm still in a good mood." 

He release Kyle, who promptly scrambled to his feet and ran away. Most of the girls looked like they were holding in laughter and the rest looked ashamed at having enjoyed his company. Kell backed away, as if realizing what he'd just done.

Rhy tried hitting on Dylan, the small dark skinned gay guy sitting in the back, for a little bit. "I'm sorry you had to see that," he said, putting his hand to his chest dramatically. "The incessant dickishness of that ass wasn't enough to ruin your day, I hope?"

Dylan gave a small smile. "It's fine."

Rhy noticed Tristan looking on uncomfortably, and Rhy backed up to nudge him forward. As the two started to talk, Rhy took Kell by the arm and pulled him along. He was smirking.

Realization dawned on Kell.

"You knew something like that would happen!" 

Rhy nodded. "I figured if rumors were going to spread about us anyway, it should work out in that people are in awe of you and I don't get bothered because I have a protective brother." Rhy ambled along the path. "Do come along, Kell. We still have a tour to finish!"

********

By the time Kell had shown Rhy through all the buildings and where all the campus maps were (since he knew Rhy wasn't paying attention), Rhy's first class was about to start.

"Can I trust you to know where to go?" Rhy nodded.

Kell raised a brow. "And to not get killed?" 

Rhy smirked. "Of course, Kell."

********

Since Kell didn't have any classes that day, he just decided to go to his favorite cafe while he waited for Rhy to text him with the inevitable message: _I'm lost._

It was called Coffee Turtle, and it catered mostly to quiet college students who wanted nothing to do with the other people. Just like Kell.

He wandered a little, taking his time getting there. It wasn't as if he had anywhere else to be, after all.

He went up to the counter and was about to order, but the barista already knew what he wanted. She was a sweet deaf girl named Emily who he had frequent sign conversations with when she was on break. She understood his potent distaste for crowded areas since she had been one of Rhy's partners, and he was pretty sure she liked him for two reasons.

One, because he had stayed friends with her after she and Rhy had broken up. She'd been pretty upset about it, but the breakup had been relatively mutual so she hadn't wanted to bother Rhy with her distress. Kell had helped her work though it and had been her shoulder to cry on, so she had grown fond of him.

And two, because he signed with her rather than make her use the hearing aids she had. He'd heard they were an uncomfortable part of deaf people's lives, and so he did his best to sign with her. Rhy was always one for languages, and he'd taught Kell a few of them when he was bored. 

Emily gave him a kind smile and pointed to the unoccupied windowless booth in the corner, and he smiled back.

Somehow, his favorite booth was always clear on the days he went to the cafe. She never said anything, and he never asked.

 _Thank you,_ he signed.

It seemed like it would be a quiet day while he waited for Rhy, but his hopes for a peaceful evening were interrupted when he literally smacked into someone.

The stranger was broad, and Kell fell onto his butt, hood coming off his head and exposing his hated eye. He glared upwards, but his irritation faded into surprise when he saw who it was. 

Holland.

**_Fin._ **


	3. Stoic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deaf girl goes apeshit

_**Holland** _

Holland had come back from his unusually pleasant nine month trip with his abusive boyfriend Athos, and had hoped to spend some time wandering the city when his questioning was over. It had been pleasant because Athos had been poisoned, not because Holland liked island getaways. Holland had been Athos's only companion on the trip, (much to his sister Astrid's dismay), so he had needed to prove to local law enforcement that he had nothing to do with it.

As much as Holland had hated Athos, he couldn't kill him. That was something Holland dreamed about frequently, _vividly_ , but he was sure to get caught. Holland refused to go to prison for Athos, even after he was dead.

After he been released, he had gone back home to his city, and had waited for Astrid to show up and kill him. She never did (in fact, she had gone into hiding), so Holland got everything as Athos's partner.

Holland hated that idea, that he was tied to Athos like that, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He'd spent a few days wandering and trying to _not_ go back to the house where he'd lived with Athos and his sister for seven years, the house that held most of his trauma, until he'd seen Kell.

Fucking _Kell._

Kell was always a sore subject for Holland, as he had been Holland's awakening to the fact that he was into men as well as women. Holland hated that, too. He hated that he fallen for such a spoiled, bright eyed and colorful _child_. A well intentioned child, but still. Kell was always trying to help him, and Holland hated it. He'd been trapped with Athos and his sister for seven years, and throughout most of it, Kell had been trying to get Holland out of it.

It was _infuriating_. Kell had always known that Holland was tired of having to deal with everything, and he had always taken it upon himself to try and make Holland feel better. And as much as Holland appreciated the sentiment, he had no interest in becoming a charity case.

Holland had fallen for Kell because Kell was the first person to actually care about him, so when he had been lounging around a college and saw Kell, he didn't want to be seen.

Of course, Kell had seen him anyway. He hadn't approached though, so Holland had left.

Despite Holland telling himself he didn't want to see Kell, he had gone to the cafe nearest the college. He told himself he was just there to see if Kell showed up so he know not to come back, but he also knew he was lying to himself. It was an annoying predicament, but one that he had no control over now.

Because Kell had literally bumped right into him. That part was Holland's fault, because he conveniently wasn't paying attention to who had walked in during the few seconds that Kell had.

Kell fell backwards, and glared up at Holland with both eyes, but his anger had dissipated once he saw who it was. That only annoyed Holland more.

"Watch it." Holland was doing an impressive job of keeping his voice solid, despite how unnerved he was.

"You watch it! Christ, Holland, where did you even come from? Weren't you overseas?"

Holland kept his face impassive. 

There was a clatter as something fell behind the counter, and a blonde girl with a brown apron ran out to help Kell up. She waved her hands at him with a concerned expression, and Kell flapped his hands back, and then gestured at Holland. The girl shot Holland an annoyed look and then waved her hands around again. Holland realized it was too intricate to be random, as there was folding of fingers and arm movements tied in. It might have been a dumb code, but he also noticed that the girl had tiny mechanical appliances behind her ears. 

Ah. She was deaf, and that was some variant of sign language. Holland felt momentarily dumb for not having realized that sooner, but by the time he realized what was going on, the girl was up in his face. 

"I don't know who you think you are, but the least you could do for Kell after knocking him over is bother to help him up. I don't care if you are an old friend, that doesn't excuse you being rude. You could have at least apologized. Next time, don't be an ass to people who clearly care about you." She moved her hands a lot, and her voice was a bit distorted, like she wasn't quite sure how to pronounce the vowels correctly, but she was clearly upset anyway.

The last sentence hit him, the bit about Kell caring about him. Then Holland realized that while the two were signing, Kell had called him an old friend. That, or Kell had talked about him to her before. He wasn't sure if he should be annoyed or pleased at this. It was a tie, for the moment.

Kell smiled, but reached out to grab her arm. He made a five with his fingers and tapped his thumb to his chest, mouthing _I'm fine._ She sent one more glare at Holland before retreating to the counter to make more drinks.

Holland kept his eyes on the girl and raised a single brow, the rest of his face unmoving. "What did you do to get her so protective over you?"

Kell blinked, as if not believing that Holland had started talking first. He shrugged. "I helped her through a rough breakup. Also, I sign with her rather than make her talk and use her hearing aids." A moment of silence, and then, "She's deaf, if that wasn't clear."

Holland didn't move for a moment, but then turned to leave.

"Wait." Kell's voice was soft, but Holland heard it anyway. He slowed down, but still went outside, forcing Kell to follow. Once they were away from the prying eyes of the college students, he stopped.

Holland was facing away from the entrance, but he could picture Kell's face. That tilt of his head to the ground, his red hair in his face, his mismatched eyes scrunched with unnecessary guilt, and nobody could forget that he chewed his lips when he was uncomfortable. Holland internally groaned. "What?" His voice came out significantly duller than he would have liked, but he didn't correct himself, at least not aloud.

Kell's voice came out a little hesitant, even a little dissapointed. He tried to hide it, but he was terrible at concealing his emotions. "Holland, I- I just..."

"Spit it out." Holland, knowing Kell couldn't see his face, almost smiled, because he could practically taste the annoyance Kell was giving off. 

"I'm trying to ask if you're okay, you ungrateful bastard." 

Holland turned to look at Kell. "Why do you give a rat's ass?"

Kell averted his gaze, hair falling into his eyes. "I..." He flicked a glance at Holland, who was watching him intently. "That doesn't matter. You wouldn't like my answer."

Holland kept his face blank. "You never know."

Kell shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Look, I just want to know what happened. You vanished and literally didn't say anything to anyone. I had to ask _Astrid_ where the hell you went." He looked back up, and unsurprisingly had that crease between his brow. "People care about you, Holland. You only don't believe it because you won't let us."

Holland crossed his arms and gave Kell a dour look. "Who? Cause it certainly isn't the Danes."

Kell paused. "Me." He looked as if it was hard to say. "Me and Rhy. Just because you push everyone away doesn't mean that nobody's trying."

Holland felt ticked off, and he didn't want to keep talking with Kell. He started to walk away, but Kell called out again.

"You're bad at pretending, Holland. You try so hard to look all stoic and cold-hearted, but I know better. You can't fool me."

Holland made a face, one that Kell couldn't see. "Nor you me, Kell." He continued walking away, and when he heard the ding of the cafe door signaling that Kell had gone inside, he sighed.

As he walked away, Holland pictured Kell sitting in a booth and scowling at his coffee, and without realizing it, he smiled.

**_Fin._ **


	4. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhy is a weaseling hoe

**_Rhy_ **

Rhy had gotten home from his first class in college with three new phone numbers, an invitation to a party, and a smile on his face to find Kell slouching on the crimson couch, shoes off, hoodie on the floor, and with that maddening frown plastered on his face.

"Kell."

Kell did not respond.

" _Kell._ "

Kell started and looked up. "What?" he asked, irritated.

"What happened? I was literally gone for four hours, what could you have possibly done?"

Kell's brow creased. "Holland's back."

Those two words slapped a silence over the room, thicker than cotton and heavier than stone. 

"I knew it," he muttered. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you or something?" 

Kell shook his head. "He's literally the exact same, he's acting like he didn't even vanish in the first place."

Rhy crossed the room and sat down next to Kell. "Are you okay?" he repeated. He reached his red-clad arm around his brother and felt the muscles in Kell's shoulders tense under his black t-shirt.

Kell put his face in his hands. "Why won't he talk to me? I've been trying to help him for years and he just. doesn't. give a damn." he said, punctuating the words with a hard pause.

"Why do you care about this so much? It's not like he's done anything specific for for you, anything to earn all the care you have for him." Rhy hated seeing Kell like this. It happened every time he came in contact with Holland.

"I feel responsible, Rhy. I don't know why, I just... I feel so bad for him. I got you and your parents, and he got the Danes." Rhy knew how Kell felt about being the mismatched piece in the family, and he hated that Kell felt so out of place in their house, but he said nothing for now. "At first I hated him. He's so cold all the time, Rhy. He and I are on opposite sides of the same coin, both with this fucking eye. I just wish... I don't know. I know this is stupid. He's shown me nothing but disdain the entire time I've known him. I don't even know why."

"I think I might," said Rhy, half to himself.

Kell looked up from his hands. "What?"

Rhy took his arm from Kell's shoulders and put his chin in one hand, looking intently at a fixed point in the air. "No, seriously, I think I might know what's wrong with him."

Kell raised his eyebrows. "Well? Tell me."

Rhy gave a sly smile. A plan was forming. "Only if you go to a party with me next week."

Kell gave a defeated look. "You promised."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just know you won't drink anything and I want a ride home. Plus, somebody's gotta make an excuse for me from mom. Just hang out frowning in a corner like you do all the time." Rhy had to get Kell to agree to this. It would either go over amazingly, or it would sputter out like a trashcan fire in the rain. But if it went well, Kell would brood in corners less and Holland would be less unhappy in general.

Kell stared silently at Rhy for a solid ten seconds before letting out a groan and slumping over on the couch.

Rhy grinned.

********

When Rhy knew for certain that Kell had gone to sleep, Rhy turned off the lights and went to his own bed. He sat down, the pale glare from his phone illuminating the excited look on his face.

 _I_ know _I have Holland's number in here somewhere,_ he thought.

**_Fin._ **


	5. Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holland does the unthinkable

**_Kell_ **

Kell had been corralled into going to a party with Rhy, and he couldn't go home. He was Rhy's ride, after all. He was dressed in simple black pants and a red button up shirt that Rhy had insisted on, but he had it covered by a huge black hoodie.

When Rhy disappeared into the crowd of people to go flirt his way to the top of the college hierarchy, Kell decided to go upstairs.

Through the crowd of people, Kell caught a glimpse of Holland _(Holland!)_ leaning on the rail of the balcony, arms folded. He had a cigarette.

"Those will kill you, you know." Kell said, stepping out onto the balcony.

Holland didn't even so much as tense. He turned, looking at Kell with that two-toned gaze, and frowned at him. "Why do you care?"

Kell crossed his arms and leaned on the doorway. "I'm just saying, if you want to live longer, you should quit."

Holland turned back to the night sky. He sucked in another breath of nicotine and let it out in a cloud, before blankly saying, "Thankfully, nobody asked you."

Kell rolled his eyes before stepping out and leaning on the rail next to Holland on his left. The paler man paid no attention. Kell pulled out a blunt, one he'd kept in this particular hoodie for weeks. Holland flicked his dull green eye at him, but said nothing, nor did he turn his head. Kell caught the sneaked glance, and made a face. "It's weed, don't go judging me for being a hypocrite."

He pulled out a lighter and flicked it, letting the flame dance on the roll for a moment. Who cared, Rhy would probably end up going home with someone anyways. Kell could always call a lift, but he'd more likely just walk home.

The smoke from Kell's newly lit blunt mixed with the smoke that was already there from Holland's cigarette, creating a sort of smokescreen on the balcony. The silence between the two men and the cinders flicked from the unhealthy medicine might as well have been burning holes in the night air with how potent it was.

"Why are you still here?" Holland finally asked.

Kell shrugged, and put the lighter away. "You seem lonely. Plus, you only smoke when you're upset. At least, that's how it used to be, before you left; I don't know if that's the case now."

Holland did not reply, but he did tense lightly, as if the words hit him like a blow. As if he was surprised Kell had noticed, and didn't like it. Still, Holland said nothing, only stared into the sky and dragged in another breath of smoke.

Kell noticed the slight discomfort in his figure, and said, "Also, I hate parties. Rhy drags me to these like every month. I'd rather sit in awkward silence with you than socialize with people I don't know or like." After another moment he said, "I can go if you want me to."

Holland sucked in another breath from his cigarette before huffing out another puff of smoke. "It's fine."

Kell smiled before bringing his blunt to his lips.

They stood in silence side by side until Kell finally asked, "What happened while you were gone?"

Holland showed the smallest hint of a frown. "Again, why do you give a damn?"

Kell rolled his eyes. "Because I do. Now come on," he said, bumping Holland's shoulder with his own. "Talk."

Holland stared. A moment passed, before he said, "Fine."

Kell gestured, like _go on_ , and Holland's face twitched minutely. Kell couldn't tell if it was annoyance or not.

"You already know that Athos was... Well, a dick." Kell nodded. Holland turned back to look at the sky, but continued. "He was tired of..." He sneaked a glance at Kell. "You know, you." Kell raised a brow. "Of you trying to get the cops to help me. Of you being your annoyingly persistent self." Kell pursed his lips, but said nothing. "You'd been bugging the authorities for almost a year, as soon as you found out how bad it was, so Athos walked into my room one day and told me to pack. He took me to an island, I don't know the name. He left Astrid at home, which she was annoyed about, but she said something along the lines of ' _have fun, don't break him too much.'_ Somebody must have heard about where we were going though, because Athos's drink was poisoned."

Kell stared. 

"Yes, Kell. He's dead." Kell gaped, and Holland flicked a glance at Kell's mouth before masking his face in annoyance. "Shut your mouth, you look like a fish." Kell blinked a couple of times before closing his mouth.

"Why would anybody take the risk of poisoning him?"

Holland blinked, as if it was a dumb question. "He was kicked out of the mafia. I thought you'd have pieced together that much. He'd murdered a lot of people, but was able to buy his way out of jail. I guess somebody didn't want him spilling secrets."

"What happened?"

Holland's expression soured. "I had to go to the funeral." He took another drag from his cigarette. "That was the last time I saw Astrid. She went into hiding after that, and all of Athos's property and funds went to me." He closed his eyes.

Kell inhaled some of his weed, then exhaled, and flicked the blunt a little to get rid of the excess ashes. "I'm sorry," he said.

A pause, and then, "Don't be. I don't care, now. I might have cared about him once, but now I couldn't care if he was slowly dissected alive." Hollands voice was gravelly and cold and hard. He opened his eyes, but didn't look at Kell. "Also, I don't want your pity. It's pointless."

Kell frowned. "Not to me. You keep asking me why I give a damn, so here. We're very similar, you and I."

Holland scowled. "I told you when we first met that we aren't alike, Kell."

Kell sighed. "I know. We weren't then, but we are now. For one, we both hate people. We both carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We both think too much. We both hate this damned _eye_ and how it's affected our lives. Take your pick, Holland, but we're alike enough that I feel bad for all you've been through. I got lucky, I have a brother, a good home. You got an abusive boyfriend and a cold environment to grow up in."

Holland's mouth involuntarily quirked up. "Thanks," he said emotionlessly.

Kell rolled his eyes. "What I'm saying, Holland, is that if our situations were flipped, you would have..." He paused, looking for the right words. "You would have thrived. And I feel bad that I got the good side of the coin instead of you."

"I don't want your pity, Kell," Holland repeated.

Kell frowned and turned to Holland. "I can't help it. I feel bad for you, that's not my fault. You can hardly blame me for caring, Holland."

Holland sighed heavily, pulling away from the balcony to crush his cigarette beneath his shoe. "You always were the better one, Kell."

Kell turned around to ask what Holland meant, but he had vanished inside.

********

By the time he found Holland again, he was just about ready to grab Rhy by the shirt and drag them both home. However, he noticed Holland sitting by himself on a couch in the least crowded room of the house (his glare was enough to keep people away from where he was sitting). 

"Holland," called Kell, striding across the room.

Holland glanced up and then scowled. He looked like he was going to get up and run away again, but Kell got there first. He squatted down and looked up at Holland, looking pained.

"Christ, Kell, can't you see that I want to be left alone?"

Kell gave him a look and lifted his hand to gesture at the drunk college kids around them. "Then what in the flying shit are you doing _here?_ _You_ , at a college party, just as a concept, is outright absurd. People come here to get drunk or sleep with people, and I doubt you're here for either of those." Kell raised a brow and sat on the edge of the couch. "Now I'm curious. Why _are_ you here?"

Holland's frown deepened. "None of your business."

Kell rolled his eyes, and when he returned his eyes from the ceiling, he caught Holland staring at him. "What?"

"I'm not high enough for this," the older man grumbled. He started to get up, but Kell caught him by the wrist.

"Why won't you talk to me, Holland?" Kell knew he looked plaintive, and he knew it wasn't a good look on him, but he didn't let go. 

Holland sat back down, draping one hand over the back of the couch, and considered Kell for a moment. "...Fine," he said dully. "You win."

And then, Holland did the unthinkable, at least to Kell's mind.

He leaned forward, pressing his mouth to Kell's. Kell went slack-jawed, and Holland must have taken his open mouth for enthusiasm, because he pulled one hand up and wound his fingers through Kell's hair to pull him closer. He prodded Kell's lips with his tongue, and Kell made a small noise. His soft murmur of surprise opened his mouth more, and Holland took advantage of that by slipping his tongue inside Kell's mouth.

 _He tastes like smoke_ , thought Kell absently. Holland bit at Kell's lower lip, and Kell whimpered despite himself. Holland moved the hand on the couch to Kell's shoulder and pulled him in by his shoulder, letting out an oddly relaxed sigh. Holland was _never_ relaxed, and this only further unnerved Kell. He squeaked again and brought his hands to Holland's chest, and Holland pulled him in just a little more before finally letting go.

Kell was bright red, and immediately pressed a hand to his mouth.

Holland's face was a mask of faked calm, and he searched Kell's face for a reaction. Kell just sat there, eyes wide.

Holland sighed regretfully, and got up.

By the time Kell came to his senses, Holland was gone.

**_Fin._ **


	6. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhy KnowsThingsTM

_**Kell** _

Kell searched the house for Rhy, but there were too many people for him to see clearly.

Eventually, he grudgingly decided to ask someone. Knowing Rhy, most people in here would have met or seen him. He grabbed the arm of the nearest girl and asked loud enough to be heard over the music, "Have you seen Rhy?" 

The girl considered Kell, an interesting feat, considering her eyes were glazed from the sheen of too much drink. "What do you want with him? You want a quickie with the new guy, or are you his partner?"

Kell made a face. "He's my brother," he said over the noise.

She looked him up and down. "...Fine. He _was_ complaining about a clueless adopted sibling. Anyway, he went to the basement with some guy."

Kell sighed. "Of course he did." He thanked her and turned on his heel, ignoring the stares.

He found the basement door was what he had previously thought to be a closet, and made his way down the creaky wooden steps to the cold stone floor below. "Rhy," he called. 

He was met with only a groan of annoyance, and he followed the noise. " _Rhy,_ " he said more insistently.

"Dammit, Kell, what?"

Kell turned the corner and immediately wished he hadn't come down. Rhy was lying on a couch, a man on top of him, both of them shirtless. Rhy's neck was thoroughly laved and covered in dark marks, and the man on top of him had a bite mark on his shoulder. The man had dark curly hair and tan skin, and an annoyingly familiar figure, although he didn't show Kell his face, just buried his head in Rhy's shoulder and mumbled unhappily.

"Fucking- Rhy, is that _Alucard_?" Kell gave Rhy an exasperated look. "Of all the people here, Rhy, how on earth did you find him?"

Rhy had the decency to look guilty.

Kell rubbed his face. "Get dressed, idiot. We have to go home. I can't be here anymore, Emira is probably worried out of her mind, and I'm not letting _him_ take you anywhere either."

Alucard lifted his head and gave Kell a sly look. "Why not? Are you worried I'd get... _intimate_ with him? We were halfway there anyway, so I don't see the-"

Kell's giant black hoodie hit him in the face. "Shut up," he grumbled.

Alucard flashed a smug smile, knowing he'd won that exchange.

Rhy let out a chuckle before getting up.

********

During the called ride home, Kell stared out the window, lost in thought and replaying his time with Holland over the last few days, trying to see if he had missed any signs. 

\---

_"Why do you give a rat's ass?"_   
_"You wouldn't like my answer."_   
_Holland deliberately kept his face blank. "You never know."_

_"Why are you still here?"_   
_Kell shrugged. "You seem lonely. Plus, you only smoke when you're upset."_   
_Holland tensed slightly, as if he was surprised Kell had noticed, and didn't like it._

_"I can go if you want me to."_   
_"It's fine."_

_Kell gaped, and Holland flicked a glance at Kell's mouth before masking his face in annoyance._

_"Christ, Kell, can't you see that I want to be left alone?"_  
 _"Then what in the flying shit are you doing here? You, at a college party, just as a concept, is outright absurd. People come here to get drunk or sleep with people, and I doubt you're here for either. ...Now I'm curious. Why_ are _you here?"_  
 _Holland's frown deepened. "None of your business."_

_Kell caught Holland staring at him. "What?"_

\---

And then Holland had kissed him. 

_Holland_ had _kissed_ him.

Kell was doing his absolute best not to show Rhy how flabbergasted he was. Apparently, he failed.

"Kell," said Rhy, startling him out of his thoughts.

Kell scowled. "What?"

"You aren't mad about me and Luc, right?"

Kell rolled his eyes. "Not at this particular moment, no."

"What happened?"

Kell sighed and looked at his hands resting in his lap. "Holland."

"What?"

"Holland, Rhy. Holland happened."

A few seconds of silence, and then, "Elaborate?"

Kell paused, and tried to smother his grimace. "Holland kissed me."

Rhy snorted, and Kell looked up. The darker of the two was trying to hide a smile, and failing fantastically. "I didn't expect that," he said, and if Kell hadn't been staring blankly at his brother he'd have been able to _hear_ the smile in his voice.

Kell glared. "You said you knew what was wrong with him. Was this what you meant?"

Rhy nodded. "He's not as good at hiding his feelings as you might have thought, and if you'd have been paying attention, you'd have noticed." He smiled at Kell. "But you've always been too busy sulking."

Kell rolled his eyes again, although you couldn't tell with the solid black eye, so it looked like he was only rolling the blue one. "I can't believe you didn't just tell me, Rhy. Did you think I wouldn't have believed you? I'm not stupid."

"I'm not saying you're daft, Kell, even if it seems that way occasionally." Rhy smiled cheekily when Kell glared. "You just don't notice other people's affection for you. You're too busy grumping around and hating everyone."

Kell pursed his lips. "I don't grump."

"Yes you do."

"No, I don't."

"It's all you ever do!"

The brotherly bickering was cut off by the driver, a large Black woman. "You're here," she said, amusement rolling off her voice.

Kell got out of the car, Rhy following shortly after. Rhy went to get Advil from the kitchen, but Kell went straight to bed.

********

He couldn't sleep.

He was lying in bed in only a t-shirt and underpants and had been in bed for at least an hour, and all he could think about was Holland's smoke-flavored lips on his. It was driving him nuts.

Kell had developed a crush on Holland when they'd first met, but when Holland had said "I am not like you," and then very pointedly had walked away, Kell had tried to ignore his feelings. As Kell grew up (He'd met Holland when he was fourteen), he'd realized what a dumb thing it was, to have a crush on a man so much older than you. He'd let the flames of his affections sputter out, but they'd never truly died. Kell was always still trying to help Holland, but Holland was always pushing him away.

So why had he kissed Kell?

One answer was that Holland had noticed Kell's attraction and was playing with him, but Holland wasn't that cruel. Was he? No, he wasn't.

That meant that the obvious (and kinder) answer was that Holland had similar feelings for him, but it didn't make any sense. Holland was cold and distant and showed emotion very rarely. Why would he like Kell?

Kell was getting nowhere with this train of thought going in circles. He wanted to get up and _do_ something, but he had no idea _what_ to do, so he just lay there, thinking about Holland.

He sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. He'd never get to sleep like this.

**_Fin._ **


	7. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kell makes Holland talk, and from there it only ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)s more

_**Kell** _

Holland had vanished after the party.

No matter where Kell looked, he couldn't find him, until one day, eventually, after multiple days of searching, Kell noticed Holland sitting on the roof of the Dane twins' house, smoking in a white coat with several empty cigarette boxes next to him.

Kell yelled up to him, "Get down here! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Holland ignored him.

"I'm not going to leave until you talk to me! We have shit to discuss, and you know it."

Holland sighed and retreated into the nearest window.

A minute later, he met Kell outside. "What?" His voice was annoyed even while his face was indifferent.

Kell was glaring. "Did you seriously think I wouldn't care what you did? That I'd just forget about it? I'm angry with you, Holland, and _worried,_ and these-" he made a grab at the cigarette in Holland's hand, but Holland sidestepped.

"What do you want, Kell?" He had one hand folded across his chest, the other was rested on the folded arm and was holding the cigarette.

Kell swiped at Holland's hand again, and this time Holland let him grab the cancer stick.

"-These, Holland, are fucking terrible for you, especially in the quantities you keep using them!" He threw it onto the street and crushed it under the heel of his shoe.

Holland frowned. "Why do-"

Kell slapped him. " _Stop_ asking me why I care about you."

Holland blinked and gave Kell a sideways look, as if he wasn't sure whether to hit him back or not. "You... hit me," he said.

Kell crossed his arms. "I did." He cocked his head to match Holland. "Now are we going to talk about what the hell happened at that party, or are you gonna keep being difficult?"

Holland stared at Kell for a moment, seemingly considering his options. At last, he sighed and turned around, making it to the door in a few graceful and short strides. When he realized Kell was staring at him, he turned his head to glance at Kell with his black eye. "Well? Come on."

Kell followed him shakily inside. Most people saw Holland and left him alone, not wanting to upset such a large and intimidating man, and Kell had literally hit him in the face. And Holland had let him get away with it, which only more proved that he liked Kell.

They sat down on opposite ends of a grey couch, and Kell took a moment to take in the cold colorlessness of the room. _If he lived here for seven years, it's no wonder Holland is so dry,_ he thought.

"Okay," said Holland, snapping Kell back to the conversation at hand. "So what do you want?"

Kell raised a brow. "You know what I want here, Holland."

"No, I really don't."

"Holland, please. Just say the thing, it'll make you feel better."

"No."

"Holland.

"Leave me be, Kell."

" _Holland_."

"God, Kell, _no_ ," Holland grumbled.

"I need to know I'm right," said Kell. "So say it."

"What do you want me to say? 'I'm sorry?' I know I didn't ask, so if that's all you're here for, fine. I didn't mean anything by it. Now get out of my house."

Holland glared and got up, ready to storm out of the room, but Kell got to his feet and barred his way away from the couch. " _Holland._ "

Holland gave Kell a dangerous look, and Kell's stomach dropped into his boots. "Get out of my way, Kell." His voice was low and even, but sharper than a knife.

Kell stayed where he was. " _No._ You spend so much time hiding how you feel from everyone that it's quite literally become an unhealthy problem. It's causing you to smoke heavily, and run away from your problems, and run away from _me,_ and-"

"What makes you think you mean _anything_ to me?!" Holland yelled. Kell had never heard Holland raise his voice. It had always been deep and cool and calm, but it was rather loud now, and it shook Kell to the bone. Still, he did not move.

"Everything!" Kell shouted back. "I didn't pay attention before, but Rhy was right, Holland. Everything about you screams that you care about me too, from the way you keep showing me emotion to the fact that you let me get away with hitting you! Now for fuck's sake, Holland, say it!" He waited for a small few seconds. "Please," he finished halfheartedly, voice hoarse.

The silence in the room was hot and heavy and angry. Kell saw Holland's eyes shining, and he realized Holland was holding back _tears._ Kell had never heard Holland raise his voice, and he'd _certainly_ never seen him cry.

And he didn't, because Holland rubbed his eyes with the long white sleeves of the coat he was wearing. He let out a shaky breath, slumped back down onto the couch, and ran his hands through his black hair, looking tired and defeated. Kell stared down at him, shocked, but asked the question they both knew was coming. "Holland, do you like me?"

Holland let out a weak chuckle, keeping his head down so he was looking at his lap. "I'm fucking insane about you. Everything about you, from your annoyingly bright fiery hair, to your ever-present scowl, to your obsessive need to butt into my business."

Kell got down onto his knees so Holland was forced to look at him, and cupped the older man's cheek with his pale hand. Holland, eyes closed, leaned into it, as if the warmth of Kell's hand was vital. "I like you too, Holland."

Holland's eyes snapped open and he pushed Kell's hand away. "Don't mock me."

Kell gave a kind smile. "I'm not lying."

**_Holland_ **

Kell leaned in, and Holland stared at him, unmoving. He was trying his hardest to look impassive to make up for his yelling and almost-crying before, or in case this was some kind of elaborate joke being played on him by the Maresh brothers. On the other hand, Kell wouldn't joke about something like this, he was too much of a damned good person.

Kell's lips met Holland's, and Holland froze, flashes of unwelcome memories going through his brain before he relaxed and shut his eyes. He kissed back like his life depended on it, and reached up to grip Kell's autumn-leaf hair.

Kell opened his mouth, allowing Holland to slip his tongue in, and Kell met it with his own, making a quiet noise. Pulling himself to his feet and wrapping one arm around Kell's waist, Holland sucked on Kell's lip just like he did at the party, earning him a mumble about that being unfair. Stumbling, they hit the nearest wall with a dull thud, and Holland let out a quiet sigh as he ran his hands over Kell's body.

"You don't know how long I've been thinking about this," whispered Holland. Sucking on Kell's neck, he slipped his trembling hands under Kell's shirt, and saw him flush. With such pale skin, it made sense that it was so easy for him to go pink. Holland silently hoped that this would happen again, that he'd be able to figure out all the ways to make Kell red. He nipped softly at Kell's neck, and Kell groaned unevenly.

Holland continued attacking Kell's neck with tiny nips and bites, and Kell sighed shakily. "God, _fuck,_ Holland, wait." 

Holland stopped, head bowed against Kell's shoulder. "What?"

Kell frowned. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"Do I seem like I'm not in the mood?" Kell shook his head and slipped his shirt off. "Are _you_ not in the mood?" Kell shook his head again, and Holland resumed attacking his neck.

Holland reached behind Kell, pulled his coat off, and threw it behind him where it landed on the couch, and was about to take his own coat off when Kell grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in for a kiss. Holland stilled for a short moment, still not used to being kissed like that, but leaned in when he remembered it was Kell and not anyone else. _Athos is dead,_ he reminded himself as he kissed back.

Holland kept his mouth on Kell's as he pulled his own coat off behind him, letting the white jacket fall to the floor. He bit Kell's lip gently, earning him a squeak when he pulled away, and he showed a rare smile. "You make interesting noises, Kell. I wonder," he said, pressing his hands to Kell's pale chest, "Just how loud I can get you..."

Kell whimpered, quivering with what Holland hoped wasn't fear. After licking a long stripe up Kell's neck, from his collarbone to his ear, Holland began sucking again, drawing gasps out of him. He placed one hand on the small of Kell's back and another on the back of his leg, and Kell took the hint. He wrapped his arms around Holland's neck and his legs around Holland's waist, and Holland (still licking and sucking Kell's neck) began taking them both up the stairs.

Holland turned towards a spare room, not wanting to go into the room he and Athos used to share. It was taboo for a new relationship, like fucking in your parents' bed. Holland wasn't really one for superstition, but this thing with Kell was important to him and he wasn't taking any risks. Holland shuffled onto the bed on his knees and set Kell (who didn't unwrap his legs from Holland's waist) on the white-blanketed bed and took his own shirt off.

Kell stared at his chest, and Holland suddenly felt more self-conscious of his scars than he ever had before. He'd never really been one for being ashamed of his own body, and he'd gotten used to seeing the scars in the mirror. Athos and Astrid had reminded him that they were there constantly until he didn't care, at which point they thought it wasn't fun anymore and dropped the subject. Still, sitting there in front of Kell with all his bloody stories bared to him, Holland felt scared. It wasn't a frequent feeling, but he was scared that Kell would ask about them, or look disgusted, or something-

All that annoying dread and paranoia vanished when Kell flipped them over and kissed Holland hard. Holland was startled out of his discomfort by Kell's strength. They were both evenly tall, but Kell was thin and lean and small and Holland was built like a tank. The singular fact that Kell was able to flip them stunned Holland enough that he didn't realize Kell had begun kissing down his body until his whole head was already below Holland's collarbone.

Kell found the closest scar, a slash wound from a knife in the slums Holland grew up in, and kissed it. He found another, a gunshot wound from a robbery Holland had participated in, and kissed that too. He found the one Holland was currently most ashamed of, a pattern carved into his chest by Athos, and he kissed that one as well. Kell found another, and another, and he kept kissing them until every front scar on Holland's torso was tingling and warm.

Kell noticed the growing bulge in Holland's pants and flashed a smile. "Are you that into me," he said, smugness nearly dripping off his voice, "Or do you just have a thing for body worship?"

Holland lifted his head and glared.

Kell grinned. "Come on, I wanna know."

Holland sighed. "A little of both? Probably more the latter though, nobody's ever..." He looked at Kell, who curiously raised a brow. Holland let his head fall back onto the pillow. "Nobody's ever done that before, so I don't know. Shut up."

Kell said nothing, and Holland momentarily felt like an idiot for snapping.

His self-directed contempt was again interrupted by Kell kissing him, although this time was less pleasant. The blasted ginger had moved up and pulled Holland by the hair to kiss him again, and he flinched and made a grumble of protest.

Kell pulled away. "Fuck, what? I'm sorry."

Holland gave him a half affectionate, half displeased look. "No hair pulling please. Athos... did that a lot, and I just..." He felt like hitting himself. He and Kell had finally made it to this wonderful point and he kept thinking of Athos. What self respecting partner brought up exes during sex?

Kell gave a sad smile. "It's fine, Holland."

Holland sighed, and again, let his head fall back onto the pillow. He'd rather stare at the ceiling than at whatever unpleasant look Kell would give him.

"Hey." Kell moved into his field of view. "Seriously. I'm not upset, I'm not disappointed, it's okay."

Holland felt his chest ache. "I'm sorry." Those two words rarely left his mouth, and even though he meant them, they tasted weird leaving his tongue.

Kell smiled again, and Holland had the urge to smile back. He didn't, instead he closed his eyes, but it was so hard not to smile back at Kell when the other man didn't do it often.

"Holland."

Holland opened his eyes and rested his eyes on Kell's face above him.

"I get it."

Holland blinked.

Kell pulled Holland up by the shoulders and hugged him. "This is like the eighth time I've noticed you worry about messing up today. The hair pulling? That was my bad. I should have asked. You can't hide things like that from me, even if you want to. I need to know what your boundaries are so I know where to stop so you stay comfortable... If this is going to work, Holland," Kell said as he pulled away, "You have to be honest with me."

Holland covered his eyes with his palms, running his fingers across his scalp. "I'll try," he mumbled.

Kell pulled Holland's hands away from his face and gave him a gentle peck on the lips. "Have I ever told you that you taste like smoke? It was the first thing I noticed when you kissed me at that party."

Holland felt the tips of his ears redden, and he spared a thought of disdain for bodily reactions.

Kell smiled and leaned in again, stopping a hairsbreadth away from Holland's lips. "I have an idea."

Holland frowned. "Oh dear."

Kell retreated and laughed, a pleasant ringing noise. "Shut up, I'm serious."

After a moment, Holland sat up halfway so he was resting on his elbows. "Alright, what is it?"

Kell kissed him, and Holland kissed back gently. He didn't often do that, _gentleness,_ but Kell was pulling sides out of him he didn't know were there.

Kell smiled into the kiss and softly lowered Holland back onto the bed. He eventually removed his mouth and straddled Holland, placing his hands on his chest. "Do you want my mouth on you?" asked Kell.

Holland's eyes went wide as he felt blood rush to his dick. "Christ, you're so blunt." He covered his face with his hands, but peeked through his fingers.

Kell gave him a smirk.

"Stop laughing at me, nobody's ever asked me the things you do."

Kell's smile widened. "I'll always ask."

Holland bit the inside of his lip. Nobody had ever asked him that, and the Danes weren't really the kind to offer to please other people. "Yes?"

Kell gave him a half smile and cracked his knuckles. "I'm out of practice," he said, moving down, "but I'm told I'm good."

Holland had a half moment where he considered asking about Kell's previous experience, but those thoughts fled his mind as Kell began mouthing along the bulge in his trousers. Kell slowly unbuttoned Holland's fly and took his cock out, and Holland let out a groan. He slapped a hand over his mouth, but he couldn't stop the noises leaving his mouth as Kell slowly licked up the underside of his length.

That was a new sensation.

"Hn... Motherfucking- God, Kell. C-christ..."

Kell smiled, and all of a sudden Holland was engulfed in hot, wet heat.

Oh, hell. This was nearly unexplainable. Every nerve he had felt like it was on fire, and Holland let out a loud and low animalistic moan. He ran his fingers through Kell's hair, and squeezed Kell's shoulders with his legs, and thrusted up hard into Kell's mouth, and _oh God there was so much Kell._ Kell was moving his tongue, and his hand gripped the base of Holland's cock, and his other hand was rubbing himself through his own pants, and _God_ was it a sight to behold.

He felt his stomach tighten as the heat began to build, and he came into Kell's throat with a muffled grunt. Kell swallowed it all and let his mouth fall open as he sat up, panting.

"Sorry," said Holland.

Kell took a moment to collect himself. "It's fine," he mumbled. "I've certainly dealt with worse."

Holland again had half a mind to ask (and threaten death upon whoever it was), but Kell was kissing him again with those lips that were just on his dick mere seconds ago, and he could literally taste himself on Kell's tongue. Holland ran his fingers through Kell's hair, and Kell sighed into his mouth. "I've noticed," said Kell as he pulled away, "That you are much nicer when you don't have a shirt on."

Holland snorted, but otherwise kept his face impassive. "No, I'm nice to _you_."

Kell flashed a grin. "That too." He reached for Holland's pants, which were still on. "May I take these off?"

Holland nodded and lifted his hips so that Kell could slide them down. He watched Kell stare at his now fully naked and very scarred body, and he again felt self conscious. It wasn't a feeling he liked. "What?"

Kell shook his head. "Nothing."

Holland frowned at the lie. "I'm being honest with you, be honest with me."

Kell blinked his mismatched eyes and looked away. "Fine. I was wondering how you managed to get all of these." He looked back at Holland. "But it's not something that bothers me," he leaned in, eyes going half-lidded, "I promise." He kissed Holland, who pursed his lips.

Kell stopped. "What? Did I do something wrong?"

Holland shook his head. "No, you just still have pants on. It's annoying."

Kell laughed and Holland had to smile at the noise.

Kell slowly eased his pants and underwear off before reaching behind himself, but Holland caught his arm. "Let me," he said, and Kell blinked.

"Um... sure, but I don't see how it'll be any different with your hand and not m- mmh..."

Holland kissed Kell, cutting him off. He flipped Kell over so he was facing down into the sheets, and Kell let out a yelp. Holland leaned down towards the milky pale body below him, pausing to flutter his lips across Kell's back. Kell squirmed, but said nothing. He clearly knew what Holland was going to do, and he didn't seem to have any problem with it, so Holland leaned down and placed tender kisses down Kell's back.

When he reached Kell's opening, he used both hands to spread his cheeks apart and trailed his mouth around the area, wanting to drag this out. He could hear Kell's shuddering breaths of anticipation, and he was enjoying it more than he probably should have.

When he finally licked the opening, Kell inhaled sharply and his body trembled, and Holland smiled. He continued licking flatly over it, and when he slipped his tongue into Kell, Kell actually let out a whimper.

"Are you that into me," said Holland, still smiling, "Or do you just have a thing for-"

He hadn't known glares could be delivered telepathically, but he could almost see the glower Kell was sending him as he said, "Shut up and get on with it."

Holland's smile widened. "As you wish." He leaned back down and slid his tongue into Kell, but this time he didn't pull away. Instead, he just continued slowly moving his tongue into the redhead, not really enjoying the taste but certainly enjoying the noises Kell was providing him. He slipped a finger in alongside the wet muscle and moved them in and out at the same pace, and then he added another finger. Kell was rocking back and forth slightly, clearly enjoying himself, when Holland pulled his tongue away. He thought he heard a mumbled _'dammit,'_ but he kissed Kell's back as he slipped one last finger in, before curling all three.

Kell tried to smother his moan in the pillow, and failed, as Holland's fingers brushed that spot inside him.

Holland was smiling even more. He was smiling a lot tonight, and it was starting to hurt his face because of too much use.

He stretched his fingers apart, alternating from pressing his fingers in to make Kell make those wonderful noises and actually prepping him.

When Kell was ready, Holland pulled all his fingers away. Kell got shakily to his knees and shuffled around so he was facing Holland, who was still looking very pleased with himself. Kell glared. "Don't get too smug," he said, and pushed Holland onto his back. Holland blinked, but otherwise showed no reaction.

Kell smiled again, that magnificent smile, and kissed Holland again. "Do you want to be the one controlling this, or do you want me to?"

Holland, at this point, was almost unsurprised by Kell's constant clarification.

Almost.

He mulled it over for a moment, before saying, "Me. Athos never let me be in control of anything." He was still mildly annoyed at himself for continuing to give Kell information that wasn't exactly necessary, but he did not correct himself.

He carefully (again, that was new) grasped Kell's hips and nudged himself into the opening presented to him. Kell shifted in slight discomfort, but let out a shuddering puff of breath when Holland snapped his hips forwards, pushing himself all the way in.

Holland felt himself smile as he slipped one arm under Kell's and across his chest, pulling the redhead up. He was shivering, and Holland could tell it wasn't out of fear or pain, like a lot of his one night stands, and he was absurdly pleased by this. He pulled out and then moved back in, and repeated the cycle slowly. Kell was letting out little murmurs of pleasure and encouragement, pressing his head back into Holland's shoulder. Holland, enjoying the closeness of Kell, pulled Kell's head by the chin to the side and kissed him firmly on the mouth.

Still thrusting slowly into the younger man, Holland reached down to pull slowly at Kell's cock.

Kell hissed. " _Holland_ , not... not both at once. I w- won't last long if you do," he managed, barely able to string all the words together.

Holland did not pull his hand away. He just licked up Kell's ear and moved his hand in time to his slow and steady thrusts. Holland was good at controlling himself, but he knew he wouldn't last long either. He curled the arm under Kell's upwards into a kind of lock, keeping him there as he thrusted in again and again.

Kell let out a breathy moan as Holland snapped his hips forwards. "Holland... Mh, please, faster. Y- you're going too slow..." He let out a shuddering breath. " _Holland!_ "

Hearing Kell cry his name out like that was something that turned Holland on to no end, but he did not comply. Even though the speed was torturing him as well, he continued rutting at the same slow speed. Kell was swearing and panting and murmuring and pressing back into Holland, and Holland was loving every second of it. He ran the unoccupied hand over Kell's chest and up to tilt his head for another kiss, and mumbled, "Can I bite you?"

Kell half laughed and half exhaled in pleasure, and nodded. Holland bit down on Kell's shoulder as he pounded into him hard and slow, deliberately drawing it out. Kell was so _warm,_ and he didn't want it to end _._ It didn't make sense how warm he was. Whatever it was, here in this bed, with Kell, as he moved inside him, Holland was actually warm for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Kell let out a cry as Holland kissed the side of his neck. "I'm close..."

Holland nibbled at Kell's ear. "Me too."

He finally sped up, pounding into Kell faster and faster until he had no particular rhythm or pattern and Kell was letting out a continual stream of whines and whispers that Holland couldn't make out. He thrusted deeper and deeper until his orgasm tore through him, and he moved his hand faster along Kell's length and bit into the crook of his neck until Kell came with a hum of relieved appreciation. Holland released his bite, and Kell relaxed into the firm body behind him.

He fell back on the bed and closed his eyes, oddly relaxed.

Kell slowly pulled away and lay down next to Holland. Holland wrapped an arm around Kell's pale shoulders.

They laid there for a few moments, catching their breath.

Holland squeezed Kell's shoulders. "You are the first person in _years_ to treat me in a way that made me feel... okay."

He felt Kell shift, and he was terrified that for a moment he'd scared Kell into leaving, but he felt lips pressed to his own, startling his eyes open. Kell was smiling. "And I'll keep doing it." He curled up into Holland's chest, and Holland again felt ridiculously warm. "Thank you for opening up to me these last few days," said Kell.

"Would we be here if I hadn't?"

He could almost feel Kell's smile as he said, "I don't think so." Kell paused, and laughed again, and Holland was grateful in that moment for Kell's persistence in trying to get Holland to talk. If he hadn't, he'd never have heard that wonderful laugh so many times tonight. "God, what are we, horny teenagers? You've been back for like two weeks!"

Holland looked down at Kell. "Don't tell me you're regretting it already." He was pretty sure his face was emotionless, but he was going for humor.

Kell smiled and shook his head and kissed him, a short peck on the lips. "You know," began Kell again, "I believe I've seen you smile more tonight than ever before."

Holland didn't move. "I could say the same to you. You don't smile often, and you're doing it a lot today," he remarked.

Kell grazed the tips of two fingers against Holland's chin, and kissed him again. "I'm doing it for you."

**_End._ **   
  



End file.
